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These are some cartoons taken from xkcd. They're wonderful, and kinda manage to capture my personality and how i'm feeling, as well as just being amazingly funny.

Nothing is ever simple. I've come to accept that, but the last few days have really tried my patience.

To begin with, everyone's still with my Grandfather, who apparently is being really annoying and difficult. I mean, you can't really blame him, he must be pretty scared, but it's just making everything so much more stressful for everyone involved.

Having my mum away has meant that Ellie and I have had to take on the role of substitute parents. The last few days i've had to organise Charlie's summer camp thing with her school, make sure she has places to go when neither me nor Ellie are around, and generally take care of the house and everything. If this is what it's like being an adult, then i'm not too keen on being one.

To top it all off, i got a text from Simon a couple of days ago, asking if i wanted to meet up. I dont know what he's looking for, but i know i cant trust myself around him. Too much has happened between us, and i'm finally over it and happy with someone else. He's the one who wasnt able to accept who he really was. I dont need to carry on being part of his delusion.

Just after Simon text me, April text me, asking how i was and what i was up to. What is it with significant ex's texting me all at the same time?

On top of that, Ben and me reconnected the other day. He's upset because he cant be with someone that he really likes, which i think brought back all the memories of us. He says i didnt hurt him, and blames himself, but i know i could have done things differently and saved us both some major heart ache. I still care about him, i always will, and maybe one day things will be different, but right now i'm not what he needs.

Plus, i have Julian, who has been amazing lately. I've been in a bit of an odd mood recently, kinda depressed a little needy. I dont know why. He's been trying his best, but he said that usually he knows how to comfort me, but recently it's been really hard because he cant work out what i need, and i cant tell him. Last night he was really wonderful though. He said it seemed like i needed lots of love and physical attention, and he was right. He was so wonderful.

Well, that's about it. I saw Tate for a little while yesterday, which was nice. He came over and we watched a bad horror movie and played PS2. It's nice having him back, even if he is a little bitch.

Oh, and i ended up having a long conversation with a gay-basher the other day, who said that i was wrong for being in love with another guy, and said i could chose not to be this way, and there was no such thing as being bisexual. He really annoyed me, but i managed not to lose my temper. What he said upset Julian though, who finds it so difficult to accept how he is, especially because of his family. They dont even know he's gay.

I think this post is long enough....

Once again, i have nothing to do for a few minutes. I've had a quiet day today after being busy yesterday.

Yesterday morning i had to get up early to look after Charlie as Ellie was at work all day and my mum's still with my Grandfather. So we made breakfast together and then headed into town. I had a thearpy appointment, so i had to drop Charlie off with our aunt.

The appointment was ok. We started by talking about why i've been so anxious lately, and what things scare me. Out of all the things i have to deal with, talking about what i'm afraid of is the hardest, coz when i even think about it, i start to panic and it's horrible. But it's starting to control my whole life to the point where i worry about doing even the simplest things incase something bad happens, and i've taken to imagining the local newspaper headings detailing my death. 'Teenage boy killed while walking to a friends house by piece of falling wood'...etc. Not healthy.

So yeah, that was tough. My therapist suggested i go on medication, like before, to help deal with the day to day anxiety so i can start to deal with all the other, deeper stuff. I dont like the idea of it, as i already take enough daily medication as it is, but i know it's a good idea.

I talked about it with Julian last night, and he was really wonderful. He's on medication for depression, and while he hates taking it, he knows that it helps, and said he thought it would be better if i did.

On a side note, it makes me so angry to hear how Julian's treated by his family. I know he has problems, and he can be so stubborn, and when he's depressed it's so difficult to know what to do or say, but it isnt his fault, and he deserves to be treated with a little more respect. Instead they just turn on him or do things to make his life harder. Dont they understand what they're doing to him?

A little while ago he told me he was in the kitchen trying to cook or clear up or something and his mother came in, and was talking to him and his twin brother David, and she just pushed him and he lost his balance and fell. One of the main things that upsets him is that he has carpel tunnel syndrome, and he's pretty much losing the use of his hands. When she pushed him he couldnt stop himself from falling. It's just not fair. Why do people have to be so cruel?

I just wish that i could take him away from it all, but i cant. And even if i could i could never change how he feels about what's happening to him. He wants so badly to be indepedant and he hates relying on other people, but he has to now as some things he just cant do for himself anymore. It breaks my heart to see him suffering like this, and to know that even though i love him, it's not going to make any difference.

I saw him today before he had to go to work, and it was wonderful. We connected in a way that we hadnt for a while, and i didnt want him to leave.

On a different note, i got a call today from the hospital, where i applied for a couple of jobs, asking me to come in for an interview. I'm gonna have to get over my fear of that place, but i think it could be good. The money's fantastic, which is what i need, and i'll be doing something useful rather than just working in a pub or a shop.

Oh, and lastly, i found Clive Barker's Undying for £2.99 yesterday in a second hand games store, and i'm so very happy about that. I played it for a bit today, and it's really good.

The end...

Went out this morning with Tate. It still feels odd that he's been away at Uni for a whole year, and i have yet to even leave home. I hate that all of my friends left, and i was stuck behind, repeating my last year. I suppose that's life though, and it's all done now. Just a few more months until i can leave too.

Tate was complaining about some guy he'd shagged and then not seen again before he'd had to come home for the summer. Nothing changes then i guess. I hate the fact that he's got a new life up there though, with new friends. They all probably know him just as well as i know him now, and soon they'll know him better. It used to be me and him, and now we're kind of losing that, and it makes me sad.

Sometime soon we're organising a night out for the whole group. Me, Tate, April (gulp), Dayna, John, Rory, Andy etc. Should be good. Seeing April again will be difficult i think, but i cant wait to see Day and the others.

I saw Julian earlier as well, but then he found out that his Grandfather isnt doing too well, and had to go. Seems to be a trend at the moment. He's worried about going to see him, and i know he's really hurting. I dont blame him, i know what it's like.

Tonight i havent really got anything planned. Ellie's working and i have to take care of Charlie. She's still upset so i'm letting her stay up for a little while and watch a Disney film. Hopefully my mum will come back soon.

I also applied for a couple of jobs today (i've been strangely busy). One was in a restaruant as a Supervisor, and the other two are assistant type things at the Hospital. I dont have any experience with that sort of job, but it says full training is given, and the money is really good, which is what i need. The only problem is it'll be week days, and Julian works weekends, so we'll rarely see each other. And then i leave for Uni. Why is everything always so complicated?

With a bit more money though i can start saving and hopefully have a bit extra to play with when i leave. I also want to get some new PS2 games, and maybe a new phone or something. Plus, not having a job is actually kinda boring.

That's it really. I watched another few episodes of Heroes last night. I cant wait to find out what's going to happen. It's just so exciting.

God, i'm a dork.

I've just got back from visiting my Grandfather in hospital. He had a heart attack while on holiday, and has to have surgery to clear some rather major blockages in his heart. It was touch and go for a while, but his chances of pulling through are apparently pretty good, so that's a relief.

As my mum's stayed down with the rest of my family, and my dad's gone back to London, it was just me and sisters who came back on the train. We decided to walk home, and it's quite a way, which pretty much killed me. It always really gets to me how unfit i am now. I'm as skinny as anything and i cant seem to put on weight, but i just cant manage to do as much as i used to. It's very frustrating.

I'm hoping i'll get to see Julian tonight. He's at work until about three, but hopefully after that he's all mine. He always manages to calm me down and make me feel better, and being away from him, even for such a small amount of time, was really hard. He really means a lot to me.

I cant think of much else. I bought an aquarium starter kit for my newly adopted fish today, so hopefully he'll be sorted out now. I'm thinking of calling him George.

Started watching Heroes the other day, and have become addicted. I'm only on the first season, having ignored it when it first aired, and am about 14 episodes in now. I just found out that Nathan is Clare's father. Shock horror! I need to watch more.

I cant think of anything else to write...

I don’t know why I’ve made this page, but it seems as good a place as any to complain about the world and everything in it. I mean, isn’t that what people do in these things?
Maybe I should say a bit about myself, just for prosperity.

My name’s Brad, I’m 19 years old, I live in a medium sized town north of London, and it’s usually pretty boring. I’ve lived here most of my life, and have just finished my A-Levels at a big private school.

I live with my parents and my two sisters; a younger sister called Charlie, and a twin sister called Ellie.

I’m Bisexual, and have been aware of this since I was about eleven. I’ve had one major relationship with a girl called April, and that lasted for about two years. Since then I’ve seen a few people, and am currently involved with a guy called Julian.

When I was 15 I was in a car accident, which has left me with epilepsy and PTSD, hence this page I suppose; A place where I can pour my heart out and not worry that I’m boring anyone.

I guess that's it